Following several incidents during the afternoon rehearsal, the following procedures take effect immediately. Please circulate this notice to all departments. A second copy has been placed above biting height.
Refreshments
All feeding arrangements are handled by the wrangler. Please do not offer the horses carrots, apples, or anything from the company biscuit tin. The fact that a horse has approached you confidently does not indicate prior approval.
Production documents
Maps, call sheets, and revised pages must be returned to the production desk after use. The western approach is currently missing from the map. Until a replacement arrives, all arrivals from that direction will be treated as improvisation.
Entrances and exits
The horses enter on their cue. They do not enter on applause, the opening of a paper bag, or the sound of someone saying, “Where did I put my lunch?” Please keep the wing clear. Standing in a doorway and looking important does not constitute a scene.
Notes on performance
Please direct all feedback through the stage manager. Telling a horse that it has “real presence” has already resulted in a dispute over billing. The company will not be enlarging the posters.
Scenery
The meadow is painted. The fence is borrowed. Neither is included in the catering allowance. Any further tasting of the scenery must be reported on the damage sheet under “Other,” with the relevant mountain identified.
Curtain call
One bow per performer. The chestnut has been taking three. We appreciate the enthusiasm, but the orchestra would like to go home.
Thank you for your cooperation. The production remains on schedule, subject to the return of the gate.
The Production OfficeDistribution: all departments. Copy to the wrangler. No copy to the horses.